Picture this: you’re in a beautifully appointed, brand spankingly new, ultra-trendy restaurant on your first date. Things are going surprisingly well, you have a brief moment where you realize you might not die alone after all, and there is a connection over some fancy new food. Then, your stomach starts grumbling. Whatever winsome combination you had has turned into a losing battle with your insides. You excuse yourself, and instead of dealing with the situation quickly, this modern place has decided to skimp on their facilities. The flush has the power of Floyd Mayweather on a bad day, tissues are parchment-thin, ventilation non-existent.
This is an extreme example, but restaurants are about the whole experience, and I’m a firm believer that sometimes, the bathroom has a bit to contribute to the atmosphere. I have a fear of germs and public toilets, so I always appreciate a well-stocked, sparkling clean, restroom. We’ve narrowed down some of the perfect qualities we’d love in a restaurant banyo.
1. The More Ply, The Better
Nothing feels better than some 3-ply. Does 4-ply exist? If it does, direct me to some, thank you.
2. Clean, Pristine
Spotless bathrooms are a work of art. Splatter is gross, and everyone deserves a wonderfully clean toilet bowl.
3. The Power of Flush
Weak flushes are the worst! If it’s all down in one go, you can pretend nothing happened between courses. If you’ve gotta wait for things to go down, your secret’s out.
4. I Need to Vent
An airy, breezy vent will suck away all the bad odor and juju with it.
5. Who Nose?
If you can smell the sewer and irrigation, get out of there and hold it in. You don’t want to smell like a canal when you get back to your table.
6. The Little Details
One of my favorite restaurant bathrooms in Manila offers some Penhaligon’s perfume, hand soap, and lotion. I can’t even afford that stuff at home! So I pile it on and spritz all over when I get there.
7. Toilet Art
Bonus if you’ve got an artsy, well-dressed cubicle, with neon paintings by a current graffiti artist, sculptures that are instant conversation pieces, or Instagrammable sayings and decor. I appreciate a bit of gallery viewing while doing the ‘Number 2’.