This Kalteen Bar Will Make Fetch Happen

June 25, 2020

It’s Mean Girls month, so we decided to go on an all-carb diet, and make the best version ever of a Kalteen bar. This awesome, supremely buttery, extra-fattening bar disguises itself as one of those oatmeal healthy protein snacks, but is the total opposite. Bring it to lunch with your own Plastics, or give it to your Aaron Samuels to get him to fall in love with you. It’s chock full of marshmallows, peanut butter, and other terribly sweet things that these will no doubt go straight to your thighs. Who cares, when Kalteen bars taste this damn good? We ain’t counting calories this time around.


Kalteen Bar

Total Time: 30 minutes (plus cooling)
Yield: 12 servings (6 bars)


  • 1 cup sweetened peanut butter
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 1 cup mini marshmallows
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 3 cups rolled oats
  • 2 cups frosted cornflakes
  • 1 cup glazed/candied nuts
  • 1/2 cup mini chocolate chips (plus  3 tbsp for the top)
  • 1/2 cup yogurt chips (plus  3 tbsp for the top)


  1. In a pot, combine the peanut butter, honey, mini marshmallows, and water.
  2. Heat the mixture until smooth and bring to a boil.
  3. While the mixture is coming up to temp, place the oats, cornflakes, nuts, and first measurements of chocolate and yogurt chips into a large bowl.
  4. Stir all the dry ingredients until combined.
  5. Once the wet mixture comes up to a boil, pour it over the dry ingredients.
  6. Mix thoroughly until everything is coated and the mixture starts to come together.
  7. Turn the bar mix into a greased 1/2 sheet pan and spread evenly with a spatula.
  8. Sprinkle the remaining chocolate and yogurt chips evenly over the top.
  9. Cover the bar in parchment paper and press down to even out the top.
  10. Place in the refrigerator for 1 hour or until the bar has set.
  11. Cut into 6 even bars and serve or wrap in gold foil for later.
Pamela Cortez Pamela Cortez

Pamela Cortez writes about food full-time, and has honed her craft while writing for publications such as Rogue, Town and Country, and The Philippine Star. She once rode on a mule for a mile just to eat mint tea and lamb in Morocco, and has eaten a block of Quickmelt in one sitting. Her attempt at food photography can be viewed online @meyarrr.

0 comments in this post SHOW

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Keep on