Exploring the Different Types of Rib Eaters with Chili’s House of Ribs

April 11, 2016

It’s been argued that one of the main reasons why mankind evolved to where it is today is because of fire. It allowed primitive man to cook food—and by cook, we mean throw stuff into the fire. Most of the time meat was the ingredient of choice because, well, throwing a cabbage in the middle of a bonfire is ridiculous even by cavemen standards (but we’re sure some of them tried). This ability to cook made things easier to digest, which made it easier to absorb a lot more nutrients, which made our brains bigger. Fast forward a hundred thousand years later and we’re sitting in Chili’s paying tribute to our fire-discovering ancestors by staring down a plate of ribs.

There’s something primal about a rack of ribs, a reminder of how things were eaten: a smoldering hunk of meat still clinging to the bone, cooking away in flames with fat dripping down its sides, and enveloped by that distinct smoky aroma. When meat is cooked just so, there’s an urge to chuck manners out the window and just dig in. However, thanks to our bigger brains, that’s not the case for everyone anymore. Over the years, we’ve developed ways to consume ribs and here are the types we discovered while downing a couple of slabs.

1. The Sophisticate

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Eater type: This rib eater is all about cleanliness. Despite its difficulty, the sophisticated eater tackles ribs with the use of cutlery. Expect several napkins plate-side, even though nothing really gets on the hands of this eater. And since we’re talking about a classy eater here, the prospect of just eating ribs won’t be enough. Other flavors must come into play in the form of different meats such as chicken or fish.

 On the menu:

Texas Trio: Salmon drizzled with honey-chipotle sauce on coleslaw, classic barbecue ribs on mashed potatoes, and grilled chicken breast on smoked corn relish.
Grapefruit Margarita: Tequila, grapefruit juice, soda water, and freshly made lime sour.

2. The Boneless

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Eater type: Boneless eaters find ribs troublesome. You have to gnaw, bite, and scrape at the bone to get every piece. In other words: they have to work for it. So this type of eater prefers the bone taken out, which isn’t really a bad thing. Sure it might seem lazy, but considering the possibilities of playing around with that meat, like, say, slipping it between two buns and making a slider, it’s definitely worth it.

On the menu:

Skillet BBQ Sliders: shredded ranchero-style chicken, beef, and pork carnitas topped with pickled red onions that comes with four mini-buns, pickles and roasted garlic barbecue and honey-chipotle sauce.

3. The Caveman

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Eater type: The caveman doesn’t hesitate and just dives right in, attacking everything on the plate. This hands-on approach makes rib eating easier, since you can angle the bones to get to those hidden parts that contain flavor jackpots. Sure, cutlery was invented to keep hands from dirtying food, but there’s something about holding your food, a tactile experience that makes it taste way better.

On the menu:

Chipotle Blueberry Baby Back Ribs: Pecan-smoked and tender baby back ribs oozing with chipotle blueberry sauce.

4. The Vacuum Cleaner

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Eater type: Vacuum cleaners can make any barbecue pit master teary-eyed. Even taking on a half-slab can be challenging, but this type of eater makes it look easy, making you wonder if there really was meat on the bone to begin with. Every morsel, every tiny sinew, every remaining drop of sauce, hunted down to near extinction. With only the bones scatter on the plate, you know it’s been a very productive meal.

On the menu:

Cherry Cola Baby Back Ribs: Pecan-smoked baby back ribs perfectly glazed in cherry cola sauce.

5. The Pet Owner

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Eater type: The complete opposite of the vacuum cleaner is the pet owner, the person who’s always asked, “Are you saving it for your dog?” This type of eater often leaves bits and pieces of rib meat on the ends of the bone. An incomplete consumption you might think but it’s actually for those who can finish the entire thing and would rather take on all the meaty parts.  

On the menu:

Chipotle Blueberry Baby Back Ribs: Pecan-smoked and tender baby back ribs slathered with chipotle blueberry sauce.


1 comments in this post SHOW

One response to “Exploring the Different Types of Rib Eaters with Chili’s House of Ribs”

  1. Dah Ruiz says:

    The photos looked too scripted-the hands, the utensils, the mess. its so unreal that its so uncomfortable (borderline irritating) to look at. Sorry! this site used to be a lot better, wonder what happened 🙁

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