5 Food Items to Lard Up A Broken Heart

August 21, 2018

You just got dumped.  The so-called love of your life has probably erased all your sweet memories in an instant, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth (and heart).

Well, we here at Pepper.ph can’t exactly satisfy your cravings for revenge. We don’t know any hired guns that can off the darn bastard or she-devil for you.  What we can do, however, is fill that gaping hole in your heart with—you guessed it—food!

Here’s a list of our top five picks that go perfectly well with servings of self-pity.

1. Sweets

Ah, sweets are the ultimate breakup food.

Take your cue from the countless broken-hearted chick flick heroines. Nothing screams “miserable” more than finishing a pint of ice cream, a box of chocolate, and/or a whole pie by yourself.

So, go for it.  Eat Nutella or Cookie Butter straight from the jar, and feel free to lick it clean afterwards.

2. Pizza

Screw your ex! Screw your diet!

Have this popular comfort food delivered right to your door, and let your taste buds snuggle up in blankets of oily cheese and pillows of soft, fluffy dough. It’ll be one sweet night in with a family-sized Cheesy Volcano Pizza that will always give you some hot, molten, cheesy lovin’.

3. Red Meat

If you’re possessed with the urge to inflict great physical pain on your ex, vent your anger on a slab of meat instead. Tear, slice and stab away. At this point, anything that resembles blood is good and this way, you don’t risk life imprisonment for that frigging *toot!*.

4. Gravy

Drown anything and everything in thick, buttery KFC gravy.

That brown, heavenly gunk never fails to make stuff more delicious and seem better than they actually are (like really bland British food. And your current break-up).

5. Sisig & Beer

Are you sick of wallowing by yourself?

Have your friends come over and pig out on rounds of sisig and beer!

Nothing helps you get over a break-up better than a night with friends as you take turns bashing and cursing your exes over bottles of booze and sizzling plates of pork.


Remember, time will heal your broken little heart. But at this point, if you can’t fill your heart with love, fill it with lard. That ought to deaden the pain (or your heart) for a while.

[photos via getty images]
[sisig photo via angsarap.net]
[thumbnail via blairmagazine]

Sarah de Joya Sarah de Joya

Sarah de Joya is a sushi-gobbling, cheese-chomping, serial stalker adman. During her free time, you’ll find her wrestling with her dog, doodling on her phone, or fighting off the temptation to take that last “shy piece”.

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11 comments in this post SHOW

11 responses to “5 Food Items to Lard Up A Broken Heart”

  1. Monique says:

    If you can’t fill it with love, fill it with lard. *Heart attacks.* haha!

  2. I don’t understand Pepper.ph’s fascination with KFC gravy, those things are terrible compared to proper gravy made from scratch, Roux, Beef stock, salt and pepper, and you got yourself a gravy that’s a million times better than KFC’s…

  3. Lucy says:

    The picture of the gravy boat is from my blog and is being used without permission. Please remove it. Thank you.

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