12 Eats that’ll make Naughty Snackers SnickerNovember 1, 2018
- Adee de LeonWords
I love it when products have unusual or funny names. When done right, it catches your attention and leaves a pleasant and lasting impression. I mean, who of us didn’t crack a smile at the “Sea Men Ramen” from Wrong Ramen? Not me. That dish inspired this article. Turning to the Internet, I found a few equally hilarious (and offensive to the prudes) examples:
Grace Cock Flavoured Soup
Seriously, did no one in this company bother to read the name aloud before allowing it to ship? If I served this to my friends, they would automatically think I was coming on to them faster than I could say “it’s chicken soup, you dirty-minded idiots!”
Bimbo Sandwich Bread
If you’re going to stuff meat into bread, you might as well choose Bimbo Sandwich, because it’ll probably like it. Don’t forget to be generous with the sauce.
Crack-Sticks Fish Fillet
From the name alone, don’t be surprised if you find yourself addicted the first time you get a taste. The next thing you know, you’d be living on the streets (after running out of your family’s belongings to sell) just to buy another crack stick. Always say no to drugs, people.
Soup for Sluts Instant Ramen
While this is definitely offensive, I can’t help but admire the cleverness of this product’s tagline. You cannot find a better description for both sluts and instant ramen in one sentence. But they didn’t stop here. There are other cleverly repackaged variations.
Kellogg”s Honey Smacks
This product is clearly from a more innocent time. This is why I love vintage food packaging; they always have the craziest and most unintentionally creepy branding. Seriously, look at that dog and tell me he’s not a stoned pervert. And why is his lower body green? Is that a side-effect of his obvious drug use? Will he smack you silly if you don’t eat your cereal? If so, I don’t want to know where.
Cote D”Or Big Nuts Chocolate
I hate nuts in my chocolate, but I’m willing to buy this Cote d’Or candybar if only so I have an excuse to ask people if they want to try my big bar of chocolate covered nuts.
Bushmills Black Bush Whiskey
While its name might cause laughter from immature dorks like me, this whiskey brand actually has quite a heritage. A product of what’s supposedly the oldest licensed distillery in the world, they say that King James first granted them a license in 1608, but it took them until 1784 to get registered. I guess they were too busy making sure their Black Bush is of sufficient quality to satisfy everyone.
Erektus Energy Drink
In high school, I was in the track team. I’d have an energy drink before a race to help get me pumped up and excited to compete. However, I think I wouldn’t have tried this one. I can’t afford to get excited in that way. In the long distance events I competed in, you start in close contact with your competitors. Drinking Erektus might make things too awkward for everyone.
Don’t worry, it’s just German milk that’s sour and thick. Okay, that still sounds wrong. But seriously, dickmilch is supposedly delicious! Try it on cherries or berries and you”re sure to finish every last drop. You might even find yourself licking the dish clean. And no, I’m not making this up just to disguise a crude joke.
Finger Marie Biscuits
Let me state the obvious: don’t ever give this to someone who likes someone named Marie. They might get the wrong idea and follow advice you never intended to give. Your friend will just end up blaming you if their date goes bad.
Sips Megapussi Potato Chips
There’s nothing dirty about this. The Finnish word for bag is “pussi”, hence megapussi, or big-ass bag. But if you’ve read Neil Gaiman’s American Gods, this might still be funny to you.
Again, this is another case of confused context. Shitto is a delicacy from Ghana. It’s a dark, spicy pepper sauce made with fried shellfish. Unfortunately, it does resemble crap, so you can’t blame clueless shoppers for thinking they’re getting pranked at the grocery.
While I enjoyed a good laugh looking up these examples, trust me when I say that I do understand how hard it is to think of a really good product name. If you could re-name any of these products, what would you have gone for? Have you seen any other hilarious examples? Tell us in the comments below.