12 Eats that’ll make Naughty Snackers Snicker

November 1, 2018

I love it when products have unusual or funny names. When done right, it catches your attention and leaves a pleasant and lasting impression. I mean, who of us didn’t crack a smile at the  “Sea Men Ramen” from Wrong Ramen? Not me. That dish inspired this article. Turning to the Internet, I found a few equally hilarious (and offensive to the prudes) examples:

Grace Cock Flavoured Soup

cock soup

Seriously, did no one in this company bother to read the name aloud before allowing it to ship? If I served this to my friends, they would automatically think I was coming on to them faster than I could say “it’s chicken soup, you dirty-minded idiots!”

Bimbo Sandwich Bread

bimbo sandwich

If you’re going to stuff meat into bread, you might as well choose Bimbo Sandwich, because it’ll probably like it. Don’t forget to be generous with the sauce.

Crack-Sticks Fish Fillet

crack sticks

From the name alone, don’t be surprised if you find yourself addicted the first time you get a taste. The next thing you know, you’d be living on the streets (after running out of your family’s belongings to sell) just to buy another crack stick. Always say no to drugs, people.

Soup for Sluts Instant Ramen

soup for sluts

While this is definitely offensive, I can’t help but admire the cleverness of this product’s tagline. You cannot find a better description for both sluts and instant ramen in one sentence. But they didn’t stop here. There are other cleverly repackaged variations.

Kellogg”s Honey Smacks

honey smacks

This product is clearly from a more innocent time. This is why I love vintage food packaging; they always have the craziest and most unintentionally creepy branding. Seriously, look at that dog and tell me he’s not a stoned pervert. And why is his lower body green? Is that a side-effect of his obvious drug use? Will he smack you silly if you don’t eat your cereal? If so, I don’t want to know where.

Cote D”Or Big Nuts Chocolate

big-nuts-bar

I hate nuts in my chocolate, but I’m willing to buy this Cote d’Or candybar if only so I have an excuse to ask people if they want to try my big bar of chocolate covered nuts.

Bushmills Black Bush Whiskey

black bush

While its name might cause laughter from immature dorks like me, this whiskey brand actually has quite a heritage. A product of what’s supposedly the oldest licensed distillery in the world, they say that King James first granted them a license in 1608, but it took them until 1784 to get registered. I guess they were too busy making sure their Black Bush is of sufficient quality to satisfy everyone.

 Erektus Energy Drink

In high school, I was in the track team. I’d have an energy drink before a race to help get me pumped up and excited to compete. However, I think I wouldn’t have tried this one. I can’t afford to get excited in that way. In the long distance events I competed in, you start in close contact with your competitors. Drinking Erektus might make things too awkward for everyone.

Dickmilch

Dickmilch_200g

Don’t worry, it’s just German milk that’s sour and thick. Okay, that still sounds wrong. But seriously, dickmilch is supposedly delicious! Try it on cherries or berries and you”re sure to finish every last drop. You might even find yourself licking the dish clean. And no, I’m not making this up just to disguise a crude joke.

Finger Marie Biscuits

fingermarie

Let me state the obvious: don’t ever give this to someone who likes someone named Marie. They might get the wrong idea and follow advice you never intended to give. Your friend will just end up blaming you if their date goes bad.

Sips Megapussi Potato Chips

megapussi

There’s nothing dirty about this. The Finnish word for bag is “pussi”, hence megapussi, or big-ass bag. But if you’ve read Neil Gaiman’s American Gods, this might still be funny to you.

Shitto

shitto

Again, this is another case of confused context. Shitto is a delicacy from Ghana. It’s a dark, spicy pepper sauce made with fried shellfish. Unfortunately, it does resemble crap, so you can’t blame clueless shoppers for thinking they’re getting pranked at the grocery.


While I enjoyed a good laugh looking up these examples, trust me when I say that I do understand how hard it is to think of a really good product name. If you could re-name any of these products, what would you have gone for? Have you seen any other hilarious examples? Tell us in the comments below.


[Image Sources: World Wide Int., , 9gag, Blogspot, Super Punch, Eat Me Daily, Whisky Measure, Nigeria Village Square, Fresh Foods, Listverse, Oddee, Protein Power]

Adee de Leon SEE AUTHOR Adee de Leon

After numerous failed attempts to become a tabloid-worthy matinee idol, Adrian has since committed his eccentricities to more realistic goals, such as getting rid of his pot belly and discovering the cure for a hangover. He currently spends his waking hours writing ridiculous nonsense, eating copious amounts of cheap food, reading Seanbaby’s articles, watching “underground” movies, and scaring people with his other creepy fascinations.

19 comments in this post SHOW

19 responses to “12 Eats that’ll make Naughty Snackers Snicker”

  1. Addi dela Cruz says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

    Hay, Adee De Leon. You’re a gift to humanity.

    • Adrian De Leon says:

      Thanks, ka pangalan. Some people would disagree with you though. I am a menace to all that is pure and innocent. A terror to morality and decency. And I wouldn’t write any other way.

  2. Van Salas says:

    i think you’ve just become my favorite pinoy food writer (can i call you that?). seriously though, this was hilarious. made my day 🙂

  3. Koldzzz says:

    I would sure like to have one of those so called enegy drinks 🙂

  4. Raxenne Dosher Maniquiz says:

    Soup for Sluts. Sobrang win. T.T

  5. Adette Razon says:

    I really love reading (and re-reading) your articles! 🙂 Informative and witty, and good reading material if I need a laugh. 😀 Keep it up!

    • Adrian De Leon says:

      Thank you! All this time I thought only drunk males enjoyed my writing.

      • Sergia Susana says:

        Haha. Dude, my friends and I usually have a laugh going over your previous articles after occasional (alcohol-free) dinners. :))) We still haven’t gotten over the JT’s Manukan meme with Joel Torre’s picture. “The secret is fear. You scare the chicken before you cook it.” Wahahaha. Classic!

    • Sergia Susana says:

      Hey, Bernie! 🙂 Great to see you here on Pepper! And yeah, Adee’s the undisputed caption king and er, obliterator of innocence. @.@ Hehe.

  6. hehehe says:

    How about Pussy energy drink?

  7. hehehe says:

    something to pair with the energy drink…

  8. Johann says:

    I remember a colleague telling me about this Mola energy drink. I think they stopped selling the product in Ministop already. http://popazrael.tumblr.com/post/153340553

  9. […] Did you know that instant ramen was voted as the greatest Japanese invention of the 20th century? Considering all of Japan’s technological contributions to the world, it’s satisfying to know that this humble, MSG-laden savior of broke souls has achieved something to counter it being called the “soup for sluts.” […]

  10. […] love a lot of ridiculous things. Whether it’s watching Jackass or making fun of celebrities’ bad life choices, I enjoy them […]

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